You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
