dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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