you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
