I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
