just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
