A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
