What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize