If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
