I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
