she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
