I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
