Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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