there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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