i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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