hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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