just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
