hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
