your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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