pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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