brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
