What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
