evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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