I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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