You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
