So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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