after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
