I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize