i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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