My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
