If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You've changed since you got that strap on
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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