My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
