fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
