Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
