how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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