Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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