Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
