I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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