if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
