Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
