Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize