i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
