that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
