Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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