omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
