This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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