I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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