Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
