Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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