he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
