You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
