I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
