This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
