They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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