Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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