they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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