New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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