I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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