Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
