I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
