as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
