Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
