You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
