i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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