Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
