just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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