Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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