ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
