surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
