you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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