I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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