so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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