So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
