After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
