would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
