I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
