How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
