So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
