$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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