something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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