Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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