How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
