it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
