The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize