My nipple is on Facebook.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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