if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
