Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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