Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
