woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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