your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
