There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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