So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
