My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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