the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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