how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You peed on a flamingo?!?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
