I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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