ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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