I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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